Clarity - A Reflection Following a Half Marathon

Clarity Achieved Through Endurance Training.

During yesterday afternoon’s half marathon challenge, I encountered a number of physical, mental and emotional states: pain, exhaustion, frustration, boredom, spaciness, etc.  ~2 hours of constant anything is quite an affair -- be it in a gym, at a desk or in a bedroom.

While my mind drifted between these irritating, sometimes mundane states -- moments of pain when my knee would throb, followed by a moment of anger when the distance monitor, slowly clicking off each tenth of a mile, would capture my attention -- I was gifted with shining moments of brilliant clarity on my life.  

I thought about my professional life, and my sincere aspiration to create music and other forms of media, develop shows, collaborate and create with other artists and entertain for the rest of my life -- over time, competing against the very best in this industry in those realms.  

I thought about my personal life, and my desire to be married and have children.  But not now. While I sometimes have conflicting thoughts on the institution, I grew up in a household with a loving husband and wife, and I loved it.  I would like to make that commitment myself someday, and become a father.  However, I wish to be in a different place with myself, professionally and otherwise, and there is still much of the world I wish to see, before I set the roots necessary (I believe) for that to be successful.   

I thought about money, and my lack of a desire to have too much of it.  I want financial independence, but I do not wish to possess so much that I begin surrounding myself with excess -- a house filled with unused things and a (like it or not) always present, necessary concern for protecting it all.  Additionally, too much money can serve to separate you from people -- the majority possess far less than the wealthy -- and I do not want my socioeconomic class to separate me from relationships with people.

I thought about what I would do today if I had that financial independence.  It boiled down to an image of my nieces and I on a back porch, building things with top of the line Lego sets, an endless supply of non-generic fruit snacks in a basket nearby.  

I thought about spirituality, the space that I take up in this cosmos and my overall connection to everything within it.  I generally feel fulfilled and connected to it all -- people, animals, events, things -- but the feelings were magnified substantially in some of those final miles.  

And I thought about the limits that we place on ourselves (yourself included) and the burning potential resting inside that can throw us beyond our dreams, if only we will take a deep breath, maybe grunt or scream out and push through those (often times) brief periods of hell.

Only time will tell what life has in store, but I push this all out into the universe with fingers crossed that it is best for myself and all those that do (or will) surround me.  

I am in no rush to pursue one of these endurance runs again.  My dear friend, Casie, said she prefers drinking beers until she cannot feel her legs anymore.  I must agree that endurance beer chugging is certainly an easier feat with somewhat similar outcomes.  However, I am aware of no other natural approach to achieving the serenity attained yesterday -- and remaining present today -- than through an endurance event like that.  

Cheers to you marathoners, ultra marathoners, iron women and iron men -- maybe one day I will join your ranks.  Not today. 

Alex

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