An Open Letter to a Dear Friend #5

Sean and I began making music together back in college.  He was the initial drummer for our college band, Growing Oldish.  We smashed John Mayer covers, but we did not name bands so well.

About a year ago, we began producing music together, and yesterday, we produced what I would call our 5th (unreleased) song together.  I would share the name of the piece, but I am rewriting lyrics now to quicken the melodic line through the chorus.  It’s a feel good, summer song somewhere in-between “Staple it Together” by Jack Johnson, and “Star of the Show” by Thomas Rhett, with some vocal lics of the Bobby McFerrin variety.

Throughout my life, I have been fortunate to share many fortuitous collaborations, both in music and in business, and I am grateful for each of them.  It is the key to success.  We need talents and resources beyond our own to develop projects to reach their potential.

With Sean, we unite a dynamic balance of skills, musical influences and work ethics that is beginning to shape into something promising, something we believe in.  

Circa 2009 - Sean still wears that shirt.

In working together, I have learned much about the dynamics of healthy partnerships.  

#1 - Share the workload.  With Sean and I working full time and living in separate cities (Sean is in Chicago -- for now…), we have limited time together.  We share sporadic, weekend-long sessions, where we track, produce and sometimes rewrite an entire composition.  It can be exhausting after a full work week, but we push one another to make the most out of the time allotted to us, and share of equipment setup, clean up, travel, shopping, cooking, etc.  

#2 - Follow and lead.  Songs are made up of components, blended, balanced and linked together. When created correctly, you have a synchronized, harmonious piece that flows seamlessly from one scene to the next, carrying listeners forward.  Each piece relies on the others, and you must know when to ask for the reigns of the ship, and when to pass them to your partner.  

#3 - Demand more.  Sean demands more vocally, melodically and lyrically from me, and I demand more from him rhythmically and symphonically.  We are yet to “complete” a song without a laundry list of edits to complete whenever life finally affords us the time to do so.  And it should be that way.  Compositions in any industry are rarely (if ever) complete in the eyes of those constructing them.

Sean, you are an immense talent, committed music professional and one of my dearest friends.  I continue to learn so much from you.  I am proud of what we make, and dream of serving our family's wants and needs through the music we create, shared on the world's grandest stages.

Full speed ahead, my friend.

Alex

$.50 Philosophy

Clarity - A Reflection Following a Half Marathon

Clarity Achieved Through Endurance Training.

During yesterday afternoon’s half marathon challenge, I encountered a number of physical, mental and emotional states: pain, exhaustion, frustration, boredom, spaciness, etc.  ~2 hours of constant anything is quite an affair -- be it in a gym, at a desk or in a bedroom.

While my mind drifted between these irritating, sometimes mundane states -- moments of pain when my knee would throb, followed by a moment of anger when the distance monitor, slowly clicking off each tenth of a mile, would capture my attention -- I was gifted with shining moments of brilliant clarity on my life.  

I thought about my professional life, and my sincere aspiration to create music and other forms of media, develop shows, collaborate and create with other artists and entertain for the rest of my life -- over time, competing against the very best in this industry in those realms.  

I thought about my personal life, and my desire to be married and have children.  But not now. While I sometimes have conflicting thoughts on the institution, I grew up in a household with a loving husband and wife, and I loved it.  I would like to make that commitment myself someday, and become a father.  However, I wish to be in a different place with myself, professionally and otherwise, and there is still much of the world I wish to see, before I set the roots necessary (I believe) for that to be successful.   

I thought about money, and my lack of a desire to have too much of it.  I want financial independence, but I do not wish to possess so much that I begin surrounding myself with excess -- a house filled with unused things and a (like it or not) always present, necessary concern for protecting it all.  Additionally, too much money can serve to separate you from people -- the majority possess far less than the wealthy -- and I do not want my socioeconomic class to separate me from relationships with people.

I thought about what I would do today if I had that financial independence.  It boiled down to an image of my nieces and I on a back porch, building things with top of the line Lego sets, an endless supply of non-generic fruit snacks in a basket nearby.  

I thought about spirituality, the space that I take up in this cosmos and my overall connection to everything within it.  I generally feel fulfilled and connected to it all -- people, animals, events, things -- but the feelings were magnified substantially in some of those final miles.  

And I thought about the limits that we place on ourselves (yourself included) and the burning potential resting inside that can throw us beyond our dreams, if only we will take a deep breath, maybe grunt or scream out and push through those (often times) brief periods of hell.

Only time will tell what life has in store, but I push this all out into the universe with fingers crossed that it is best for myself and all those that do (or will) surround me.  

I am in no rush to pursue one of these endurance runs again.  My dear friend, Casie, said she prefers drinking beers until she cannot feel her legs anymore.  I must agree that endurance beer chugging is certainly an easier feat with somewhat similar outcomes.  However, I am aware of no other natural approach to achieving the serenity attained yesterday -- and remaining present today -- than through an endurance event like that.  

Cheers to you marathoners, ultra marathoners, iron women and iron men -- maybe one day I will join your ranks.  Not today. 

Alex

$.50 Philosophy

Thank you, PRIDE

Rarely does this world make a lot of sense to me.  

Why are we here?  What are we supposed to do with our lives, and how much control over them do we actually possess?  What are the right objectives for us as individual human beings, as siblings, as parents, as families, as professionals, as societies?  

My father blames my philosophy degree for these lingering uncertainties, and while certainty certainly has its virtues, this is the mind I possess.  

Occasionally, I have shining moments of clarity and serenity.  Yesterday was one such day.

I went to the PRIDE parade in St Louis, MO.  The recent shooting at an Orlando nightclub has been on my mind a lot, and I wanted to participate in the festivities.  

While I might not always understand much in this world, the underlying theme that drives tragedy is crystal clear to me -- fear.  Fear of what is different.  Fear that we are not “Right” with a capital “R.” Fear that we are not -- or someday might not -- be in control.  Fear of a world that evolves -- always has, mind you -- and how it will possibly operate under altogether different values, beliefs, practices and behaviors.  Fear that something standing in stark contrast to some truth we hold near and dear might be overcome by that scary thing over there that seems to be breathing -- or worse -- even thriving.

Our minds cannot fathom such a dynamic world, so we create zones for ourselves where we find comfort and security.  While this makes sense and is often necessary, it can be dangerous, serving to separate rather than unite us.  

Sexuality, faith, style, language, behavior, artistic expression, interests, taste and values that, while connecting us to people we can often best relate to, can be breeding grounds for separation.

As I walked the streets of downtown St Louis, smiling and high fiving with strangers that I somehow felt immediately connected to, I felt the pride that founded this culture.

To the founders and continued supporters of PRIDE and its positive, eccentric and altogether brilliant culture, I stand with you.  I love what you have created.  There was not a happier or more fun place within hundreds of miles of the environment you built yesterday in downtown St Louis.  

I will continue to celebrate your style, your music and your love, and I thank you for it.

Alex

$.50 Philosophy

A Letter to Undergraduates: 7 Pieces of Advice for Dudes

#1 - Consciously make a strong first impression.

Look nice on your first day of class, and stop by the professor’s desk before leaving.  

Introduce yourself, ask a general question about the syllabus or express interest in the course.  

This small gesture, which most of your classmates will skip, will leave the professor with a positive first impression of you.  They will recall it when you need it most -- final grades or requesting an extension for an assignment, as examples.

#2 - There is always a party. 

College parties are fantastic.  You will attend “Anything But Clothes” parties and beer breakfasts. You will slug wine out of a bag and build giant slip n’ slides simply because the sun is out and it is Sunday.  You will shut bars down and then throw epic dance parties until 5am, surrounded by great friends.  

But, you have a midterm Thursday morning.

It will feel - and your friends will lead you to believe - that THIS Wednesday’s ladies night will be the night of the century.  You CAN’T miss it.

It won’t be.  And you can.  

Handle your business and then have fun.  There is time for both.

As a secret, the fun and the parties are even better post-college.  

#3 - You are not that busy.

Your mother -- who worked full time, oversaw your school projects, ensured you arrived on time to every practice with a clean uniform, fed you quality meals each night and kept you on top of everything -- is busy.  

Call her every Sunday -- not just a text -- to let her know that you are alive and well, and to thank her.  Call your grandparents, as well.  

#4 - Make your bed every day.

Your bed takes up ⅓ of your room.  If it is made, ⅓ of your room is clean.  

This seemingly insignificant step makes a vast difference, not just on appearance, but in how your work space functions.  

It takes 30 seconds and will make drastic improvements in your performance across a number of realms.  

As an example: 

I am aware of the physical desires of all 18 year old women and men.  If your bed is made, it looks appealing to sit or lie down on.  If your guest chooses to sit down there, well…

Step 1: Complete.

I could write a book (and might still) on ways to engage and treat women.  So many dudes (Spaniards, included) skip simple, yet critically important, steps in this realm. This one is yours for free.

#5 - Go to class every day.

You partied excessively last night.  The after party went until 5:30am, and you stumbled into your room at 6am.  

It’s now 8:30am.  Your head hurts.  You are nauseous.  And you left your bookbag at a friend’s house.  

Grab a sheet of paper and a pen.  Throw on sweats and go to class.  Every time.  

Ask any college advisor and they will tell you.  Going to class is the sole difference between the freshmen that get to return to campus after first semester, and those that must go home.

Side Note:

The first semester is often the worst semester (academically) for college graduates.  Mine was.  The newness of it all is understandably overwhelming, and you will make some poor decisions.  Going to class every day will minimize the impact this has on your GPA.  Raising your overall GPA from a 2.6 after first semester, is a much different project than raising it from a 1.2.

Disclaimer: Going to class every day will secure a much stronger first semester performance for you than the numbers listed above.  

#6 - Never stop exploring.

Universities are worlds unto themselves.  You are surrounded by current or future entrepreneurs, artists, musicians, athletes, writers, etc.  

There are musicals and concerts taking place.  Speakers and open discussions on interesting topics. Patios filled with people slugging beers.  Rec centers filled with sports and fitness activities. Teams organizing worthwhile efforts to raise funds or bring about change for admirable causes. Etc.  

Do not limit your college experience to the world in which you reside.  Mix it up.

Do the “Anything But Clothes” party on Friday night.  Wake up at 9am for a Big Brothers/Big Sisters fundraiser.  Play frisbee in the park with your buddies in the afternoon.  Nap until 9pm, and then rouse your friends for a beer pong tournament that night.  

There is time for it all, and you should do it all.  

#7 - Take your education into your own hands.

Your professors are experts in their respective fields.  They have dedicated their lives to this area of study.  Absorb all they have to offer!

Once you decide what you are going to study, get excited about it.  If you are to become a teacher, connect with your practicum professors.  If you are to join the business world, ask your professors about books or leaders that have influenced them as business professionals.  Maybe they own or oversee a local company and have internships or other opportunities available.  

Yes, you will have classes that suck, but do not dread them.  They are in place to challenge you to think critically, and to approach problems from the many different vantage points that plague them.  Learn.  Learn.  Learn.  

You will have to take some general studies courses.  Your advisor will try and choose these for you, and do so based on class sizes -- doing what they can to even out class sizes -- but there are MANY classes that fill those requirements. 

Use your guide book, RateMyProfessor (cautiously -- students can be unnecessarily harsh) and fellow students to help you create a curriculum that will interest you.  

For my degree, I had to take two general science courses.  Had I let my advisor schedule it, I would have been placed in a lecture hall with 100 other students.   

Instead, I found the following two courses:

Weather and Climate -- a joke of a class, but with a hilarious Italian professor.

Life of Animals -- another joke of a class, but with the infamous Professor Project Pat.  I did not learn much, but I took the class with a great friend.  We clowned a lot, but we were good at memorizing material, so we aced the class.  He got a good chuckle out of the two of us, and I remember the class fondly.  

Lastly, and maybe most importantly - you are not a kid anymore!  You can have mature relationships with your professors, and they can become lifetime friends and mentors.  The sooner you understand this, the greater the advantage you will have on your peers.

In closing, I hope you have a most amazing experience.  Have fun, but accomplish things as well -- you are truly successful if you can marry the two in the same project(s)!  You can call on me at anytime for anything, including: the good, the bad and the ugly.  

I love you very much.

Alex

$.50 Philosophy

Become the Worst to Flourish (Bieber, Fallon & Skrillex)

There is a fantastic book you should read called “Smartcuts,” by Shane Snow.  In it, the author considers individuals -- Justin Bieber, Jimmy Fallon, Skrillex, etc. -- who have taken non-traditional, fast tracks to success, or in their cases, stardom.

There are a number of characteristics that connect the above-mentioned individuals, one of which is the value they obtained by teaming up with extraordinary people.

 

Consider the following quotes:

“Every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labors of other men, living and dead…” -Albert Einstein 

“If I have seen further it is only by standing on the shoulders of giants.” -Isaac Newton (although out of context) 

“Always be the worst guy in every band…” -Pat Metheny  

The first two, I wrote down years ago.  I just came across the last one in an excellent book entitled “The Passionate Programmer,” by Chad Fowler.  (Another great read!)

It spoke to me and woke me up to my present reality -- one of working with people of much greater talent and depth than myself in the world of music.  

(Note: I have ALWAYS been surrounded by superior talent in this realm.)

Recently, I have felt increasingly unsettled, even lost at times, in my creative endeavors.  For the life of me, I could not pinpoint why, until the author's work exposed various changes underway.

(I find these "awakening" periods fascinating.)

Now, I understand.

Those unsettling feelings are due to change:

--Letting go of "truths" I have previously argued against or defended.
--Setting aside practices I have invested in and tailored, in order to experiment with new approaches.
--Turning off my initial reaction to embrace new sounds, rhythms, noises, words, people, etc. 

Both the musicians and the producer I am working with here in Spain are changing how I think about, feel about and create music -- an interesting, hopefully worthwhile, but often challenging experience. 

We know the value in connecting ourselves to others, especially those of greater and/or complementary talent to what it is that we possess.    

However, we often avoid it.  

Due to a desire for comfort, our own self-doubt, discouragement from peers or fear, we allow ourselves to settle. 

It is easier and feels better to be the superior talent or intellect in a given room.  In that space, one possesses power -- abilities, insights and resources beyond those at the same table.  Our chin can rest a little higher, and we can bask in the glory there.

The feeling is comforting, so we naturally latch onto it.  

I urge you to consider the alternative. 

The second you feel that sense of comfort or superiority, transition out of that space.  Your time there is complete.

Remaining in that space is the first step towards your demise in achieving something of excellence.

Fear not that your talents will be diminished by the superiority of others as you transition into the next level, for they will not be.  

Your talents will be enhanced, developed, even made a new in this space.  In short, you will flourish! 

Alex

$.50 Philosophy

Defined Intentions -- Clarity and Efficiency (and Respect)

In a recent post, I discussed life on a calendar. One of the key insights from the approach was “Intensified Focus.” 

Read further to learn how this not only translates to increased clarity and efficiency.  

Perhaps surprisingly, it cultivates respect.

While not entirely necessary, it might be beneficial to read the previous post -- 
 Life on a Calendar - 3 Valuable Insights -- before you proceed further.   

Let’s begin. 

I have been fortunate to have a lot of incredible mentors.  Throughout my life, I have sought them out in every sphere of interest I embody: music, business, food, love, writing, finance, sex, teaching, health, life philosophy, spirituality, morality, etc.

I cannot stress the value of this practice enough.  Of the countless gifts I have received throughout my life, it is their shared advice and methodologies that I cherish most.  Some of these gifts are now ~23 years old, and I continue to draw influence from them. 

My first boss when I was working in healthcare left a huge impact on me.  He was a highly energized, engaging, dynamic leader -- exceptionally critical in his thinking, but able to retain his decency and work with people at all levels of skill/expertise/experience/age within our organization -- a capacity people often lose with increased power, intellect and status on a hierarchy. 

(I should note that the two of us never got enough time together, 

and I would jump at an opportunity to work with him again.)

I learned much from him, but most importantly, he taught me to have defined intentions.  

I learned this lesson with regard to his and I’s meetings.  

Like most lessons, it had universal application.

Our organization had a small leadership team, with everyone overseeing multiple projects.  There was not little time, but NO time, to waste if we were going to be successful.

If I was asking for time -- his time, others from the leadership team, even my own management team -- I was obliged to make good use of it down to the last second.  Each moment requested should be thoughtfully defined so as to make the most of it.

I had a professor who shared the same lesson but with regard to writing:

“Each and every word in your composition must take your reader one step forward towards your objective.  Understand that people value their time and they could be doing any number of other things than reviewing your work.  If they choose to give you a piece of their time, be respectful.  The best way to show your respect is to be as efficient and effective as you possibly can as you deliver the value you have to offer.”

 

Defined intentions has the obvious benefits of increased clarity and efficiency, but 
perhaps it goes further, demonstrating respect.

Defined Intentions:

Clarity

What is it that I am doing. (or wish to be doing!)   

This should be defined at the macro and micro levels:
Macro:

--I work as an insurance agent because I enjoy providing valuable products and services, and advising people on how best to build and protect their financial livelihood.  
--I work as a teacher because I am gifted with breaking concepts into component parts that are digestible, allowing students to develop in a given field.

--I hope to someday be able to speak a second language, so I can comfortably travel to other parts of the world and communicate with local people.

Using the above macro(s), one can establish micros.

Micro:

--As an insurance agent, it is necessary to know my client’s financial picture, all of the options available to them, how they might best be moved to making correct financial choices, etc.

--As a teacher, it is necessary to know my students, their individual approaches to understanding material, how I can move an entire classroom forward each day, etc.

--As one who aspires to learn a second language, I must choose a language, expose myself to native speakers, develop a vocabulary, practice communicating, etc.  

Defining the macro allows you to clearly see all of the micros required to reach an objective.  
Now, we can become efficient.

Efficiency 
With what I intend to do defined, I can map how.

Micros can be translated into daily, digestible projects.  Let’s use the second language aspirant, as our example:
Second Language:

7am -- I read the news in Spanish while I have my morning coffee.

8am -- I listen to a popular Spanish podcast during my morning commute.

12:30pm -- I review my vocabulary bank using flashcards, or a mobile application.

10:30pm -- I take an online quiz to review grammatical principles.

All of the outlined pieces above are required steps for mastering a language -- Reading and Listening Comprehension, Vocabulary Development and Grammatical Structure Understanding.  

But now, they are no longer poorly defined projects to stumble into by chance.  They are active, defined and scheduled pieces to pursue each day.

Respect

I stated that defined intentions are not only about clarity and efficiency.  

Respect is validated in the process. 

Time is one of our most precious gifts in this life.  Choosing wisely how we use it is of immense importance.

Stating your purpose, defining the necessary steps to accomplish it and organizing your approach, demonstrates respect of that resource:

For others - if it is in regard to a project for another person

For yourself - if it is a personal objective

Both are of equal importance.

Alex

$.50 Philosophy